It was just this spring season of 2008 that Suzanne Grae met the Katies at a discount outlet over the 50% off rack. The Katies all had their nails into the one peach power suit, and things were getting hairier than a Poison after party. However Suzanne stepped in to suggest the divvying up of the garment between the ladies, shoulder pad by pleat by precious polka dot, and the Katies could not help but come to their fashion senses. They offered to Suzanne both the peach power suit and a promise – To together form a band that would let no obstacle, not broken heels nor lack of musical ability, stand in the way.

Suzanne Grae and the Katies are…
Texta as Suzanne Grae: ‘singer’, tamborinist, stylist
Lou as Katie Tutti Frutti Pan Flutti: keys, back up vocals
Anna as Katie Ramone Bomb: guitar, back up vocals
Marian as Katie G: saxophone, drums, guitar, back up vocals
Bec as Katie Kaos: bass, trianglist, back up vocals
Alex as Katie uber Alles: drums, bass

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We’re also covering cult shitcore band from the 60s The Shaggs’ “Philosophy of The World”, which is proving a real challenge to actually work that shit out given their singularly unmusical compositions.

From the Shaggs website:

The Shaggs Philosophy Of Life:

Never judge others until you’ve walked a mile in their footsteps.

Do as Thumper’s parents say: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Live by the golden rule: Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you.

The Shaggs Pet Peeves:

Dot : Double standards; someone looking over my shoulder; tapping shoulder to get attention.

Helen : Rumors; Gossip; Snapping bubble gum.

Betty : Talking about and picking on others.

I like that the Shaggs’ publish a band Philosophy and Pet Peeves, as do Spam on our old website. Let’s compare:

“…A mere glance at any of Spams lyrics will convey their concern for world issues and other very important things, while seeming crude on a surface level, the lyrics are in fact loaded with messages and layers of meaning on all kinds of philosophies. Unfortunately, however many less informed types do not appreciate the subtlities of Spams words, mistaking their insights and observations of the world around them for meaningless utterances about pretty much nothing. Or is it the other way around? gosh, I can never remember…”

So what can we make of this analysis? These bands were both teenagers at the time of releasing these manifestos. It seems to me that between the 60s and the 90s a marked loss of innocence has occurred, and a jaded cynicism has creased the pimply brow of youth. Seinfeld and other assorted pop cultural phenomena in the intervening period appear to have engendered a deeply ingrained narcissism, nihilism and disregard for both truth and meaning. Hmm.

However I suppose on closer examination of “Philosophy of the World” we can find the thread of cynicism beginning to unravel those hopeful times…

Oh, the girls with short hair want long hair
And the girls with long hair want short hair
Oh, the boys with cars want motorcycles
And the boys with motorcycles want cars

You can never please anybody in this world

Anyways, back to Suzanne Grae and the Katies. Here’s a set list, given that we’ve decided to do covers from some of our previous lady bands from our variously chequered musical pasts in addition to the Shaggs cover:

• Get the Cake Out (Undercover Butch), [original]
• Philosophy of The World, [The Shaggs]
• I’m Off Chops So How Bout It, [Spam]
• I Thought I Hated You (But I Was Right), [Fish Faced Moles]
• Moist Anus, [The Beef Curtains]

To this list we can shortly add (once we have composed music to accompany them): Moccasin Man, Dirt Bike Diva and ode to the lecherous leech Down Down Below.

Spam was an all-girl band we started in 1994 when we were but 16 years old. Spam was Mantis on keyboards, Yensher on vocals, Megsy on bass, Philthy on drums and myself on guitar. We were more of a concept than a band, none of us really knowing how to play our instruments particularly well. As a result we considered ourselves punk, though our music was more lopsided and melodic, with a bit of jangliness and shoutiness thrown in. One of my favourite heckles of the band was “PLAY SOME ROCK N ROLL!!!” from an aged drunk from the back the Lass O’Gowrie, so I guess we weren’t a rock’n'roll band :{).

Spam played shows at hallowed Newcastle rock venues such as the Hunter on Hunter, Tattersalls Club, Islington Bowling Club and the Lass O’Gowrie (many of which we played underage, sneaking in with our fake ID). We played with bands such as The Hanged Man, Loose and 8-bit breakcore band Nasenbluten.

This photo’s from a show at Islington bowling club. We are wearing the band outfits “a la inconspique”, wardrobe chosen by mantis and yensher.

Stewart was our usual band wardrobe designer however, Megsy can be seen in one of his creations here, pink vinyl seemed to feature a lot. But actually my favourite was when we all dressed as Robert Smith, with a video of Standby Me projected onto us as we played..

We recorded a few of our songs, had tracks on a couple of cassette compilations and a couple of tracks on a tape put out by H records. There are a few video recordings of our shows floating about which I’ll try to put up online at some stage.

Spam played our last show sometime in 1997.